PRISON OF THE MIND
I
pound against the rainbow hued glass walls of my prison beyond the
point of pain, slamming my fists against the unyielding surface until
even my arms grow numb. I scream and beg and plead for mercy until I am
too hoarse to send even a whisper up the funnel shaped ceiling. A
torrent of tears flood from my eyes as I curl up on the bowl shaped
floor. I cry myself to sleep, exhausted both physically and mentally.
I
awake oddly refreshed, and suppress the wave of insanity that demands I
continue the cycle, pounding, screaming and crying until I am no longer
me, but some shapeless mass of cringing emotions and nerves ready to be
shaped by the malevolent presence that would free me.
No. Not free me. Freedom is now beyond my grasp, forever lost to me. Unless. . . .
I
throw myself bodily against my prison wall, beginning the cycle anew.
My mind splinters into fragments of feelings. Rage, pain, terror, panic
all compete with my rational being for the ultimate control. Control.
What a tremendous joke. I have no control left. That, too, was stolen
from me by my captor.
I
feel my hands. The pain gains control of the shattered fragments of my
mind. I focus on nothing but the red hue of my pain. It is a living
thing, sucking my soul, this pain. A dry croak rips from my throat,
demanding attention. Water. I must have water.
I
stop pounding for a second, feeling this sensation of having a dry
throat. This feeling, too, seems to be a living thing, capturing my
attention. Without pause, there is a glass in my hand. I can feel the
moisture of condensation on the outside of the glass; it feels cool and
soothing on my sore skin. The water feels good against my dry lips, my
raw throat. The glass is empty, and I hurl it against the wall. The
glass shatters against the prison wall, the shards spreading against the
unyielding collage of colors like water across tile. Before they hit
the floor, they are gone.
It
felt good, that bit of control. The act of violence snaps the fragments
of my mind to a whole. Yes. For a while, I am free of the madness that
stretches its fingers towards me. I can think, I can remember. I
remember why I am here.
An
innocent day. An ancient bottle, stuck on the top shelf of an equally
ancient shop, in a tumbledown shack of a curio shop in India. The
beautiful swirl of colors glinting in the dusty sunlight. My longing to
have the antique in my hands. The wide, blackened teeth smile of the
wizened shopkeeper as he takes it from the shelf. The old glass
stopper, made of the same myriad color glass, flaring out from the neck
of the bottle then tapering to a delicate point. Tight, the stopper,
hard to remove. Inside the bottle the scrap of ancient parchment. Giddy
with curiosity, translating the words. Blackness and light. Here.
A
fire ignites behind my eyes as the rage builds. Remember the words!
Those words trapped me here, those words changed my world, and those
words changed my being. Those words so violated me, those hateful words.
I need to remember them, to scream them out!
I
feel the need to splatter myself against the walls of glass to end this
existence, but I cannot. I traded my freedom for the dream, the unreal.
With those spoken words I imprisoned myself.
I am the genie in the bottle.